My heart sank when I read in the Camera that the Boulder City Council
was considering selling naming rights to City buildings for cash. The citizens
of Boulder paid for those buildings and if anyone names them it should be us. The
thought of working out at the Cinnabum Rec Center may be tasty to the City Council
but it will send my Rec Pass dollars to the YMCA. How does the “Frank Azar Criminal
Justice Center – The Strong Arm will get you Justice AND the Money you are OWED” sound?
Forcing the citizens of Boulder to live with purchased facility names is worthy of
Still, rather than rant about the “possibility” of City Council insanity, it
might be better to proactively offer up a constructive alternative – although, after all, they might just be
trying to frighten us into voting Yes on some initiative like 2B. As an aside, if 2B
fails will the City Council give up their iPhones, raises, and preferential health care
access? To get back on track, why not let the citizens of Boulder
bid on nicknames for City Council members that would be used when they are conducting
city business? Surely that will raise some cash. Think of the possibilities other than
the obvious ones like the names of some of the Seven Dwarfs. I like “Mike Scratch” or
just “Scratch” as the nickname for the Council member who attempted to obliterate the
record by scratching on his microphone as the rights of a Boulder resident were “stretched” to
the tune of a $10,000 settlement – that alone must have given the City Attorney litigation nightmares.
In fairness to the City Council, the fellow whose rights were “impinged” could use a few
nicknames himself (although some say “Boulderite” is all-encompassing) and might put his name up for charity
nicknaming as well. Another good nickname might be “WHO ME?!” for the City Council member
whose home was so undervalued that he escaped paying thousands in property taxes. Yes we are
all jealous, but surely there must be a “higher standard” somewhere in the incident.
The possibilities are endless, could raise a bundle of cash , and most importantly, the council
members could take their nicknames with them when they leave which makes nicknaming a renewable
resource! . If a man with the nickname of “Whizzer” can make it onto the Supreme Court then the future
of the City Council members must be very bright – given the right nickname.
All roasting aside, it pleases me that the City Council members are as human as the
rest of us but don’t saddle the citizens of Boulder with names we didn’t
choose and may have nothing to do with our values.